Thursday, February 25, 2010


The fact that Christian conservatives statistically favor the theory of intelligent design over evolution is freshly ironic, since a new study suggests that conservatism is the more evolutionarily traditional path. Reaching the conclusion that intelligence is higher in people who exhibit tendencies that are "novel" with respect to evolution, liberals, atheists, night-owls, and monogamous men all hit the top of the IQ chart. The study will no doubt be derided by some as "ivory tower elitism", as it clearly has flaws. Show me a liberal dude who parties all night and rejects the concept of an afterlife, and I doubt I'll be looking at a one-woman man.

Friday, February 12, 2010

White Power

Congress is on its third day of recess because of blizzard conditions in DC, delaying work on a federal "jobs" bill. (Let's hope that legislation doesn't involve any snowplow unions.) For anyone who still believes in the patriotic fortitude of our elected officials, keep dreaming. If our nation can't even handle a naturally-occurring weather phenomenon, it doesn't give me much hope for the bigger stuff. Sadly, the irony of the mid-atlantic being buried under feet of snow, while the Winter Olympics in Vancouver remain bone-dry is lost on the climate-change deniers. More shocking is when the residents of these states remain shocked at the crippling power of winter. It happens every year, people. How can 25% of the snow plows in the DC/Baltimore area be broken when we all own calendars that are pretty good indicators of when we'll need to gas them up? If Phoenix got a foot of snow, I could understand everyone keeping one eye peeled for a litany of biblical plagues. Sure, this winter is a bit of an anomaly but otherwise, there aren't a lot of surprises if you live east of the Mississippi. It's gonna get deep.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Aural Fixation

Hurtling through time and space with a handful of songs that you must find and download, if only to make your tastes seem more impressively broad.

Steely Dan, Glamour Profession
Bruce Cockburn, Lovers In A Dangerous Time
Roxy Music, More Than This
Thievery Corporation, The Glass Bead Game
Brian Eno & Harold Budd, Late October
Gojira, Ocean Planet
Failure, Pillowhead
Daysleepers, Release The Kraken

Friday, February 5, 2010

Double-C 4

Religious fundamentalism is like a late-night infomercial: appealing to people who are groggy with lack of sleep, angry at the state of their life, and convinced that some useless gadget will make it better. In the case of Al-Qaida,it seems that gadget might be boobs. Recent intelligence chatter gathered by the United States and Britain's MI-5 indicates that Al-Qaida is certain to launch another attack on US soil in 2010; more specifically, that radical Muslim doctors trained in the UK have returned to their respective countries to fit teen female suicide bombers with explosive breast implants. In what counts for suffrage in the Middle East, it seems detonating yourself into oblivion is no longer a man's game. Given the inveterate horndogs that men are, it may prove to be terrorism's master stroke to turn our own vices against us. (I doubt American men would notice a sudden influx of Pakistani hookers.) Of all the weird things women scream during sex, "death to the infidels" probably isn't even in the top ten. In the interest of gender equality, similar surgery has been performed on male suicide bombers. In their cases, the explosives are most frequently inserted into the buttocks. With all due respect to Taco Bell, if your last living act is blowing your ass out, you've earned your share of virgins.