Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Doll-ar Menu

Every company is taking measures to increase their bottom line in a downturn. Even the porn industry (long thought to be recession-proof) has taken a hit, so much so that men are now forced to save money by actually fucking their wives and girlfriends. The Real Doll company (which has out-creeped the Japanese in lifelike sex simulacrums for over a decade) is the gold standard of detailed, custom, life-sized, latex companions. Granted, probably not a crowded field. But when it comes to recognizing economic woes, their marketing is genius. The "industry leader since 1996!" has the following banner on their website: "In these tough economic times, we now offer FREE SHIPPING on all orders". (Since the dolls start at $6,000, it's unclear how much of a financial enticement that really amounts to.) In a nod to their core audience of loveless nerds, the ordering process includes options such as elf ears, blue skin, and cyborg faceplate. And prospective lonely horndogs are offered a choice to further sweeten the deal: "Up to $500 off all your doll upgrades" (as the company fixes any parts of the doll that your vigorous, untested-in-the-real-world lovemaking grinds down to a nub. Ew.) or "a free additional face." (I'm on board with that one). It's not exactly the "3 MILF DVDs for $5" bin, but it's nice to know that the skin trade feels our financial pain, so that we can get back to feeling ourselves.

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