Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Go Ask Clinton

$650,000 for beaver management in North Carolina and Mississippi - how does one manage a beaver?
- John McCain, Twittering.

(hat tip to Andrew Sullivan)

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

THANK GOD FOR THIS BLOG SITE. MY NAME IS ALAN COX AND THIS WEBSITE HAS GIVEN ME THE CHANCE TO SAVE THE WORLD. NOT ONLY BY CUTTING DOWN BARRY MANILOW, BUT ALSO BY GIVING ME A CHANCE TO USE TERMS LIKE ZIMMERMAN LETTER. YOU SEE, I GREW UP SPOILED IN NORTHERN IL. (A HOT-BED OF ORIGINALITY AND UNIQUE GENIUS UNMATCHED ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD) AND MY PARENTS WORKED HARD TO PUT ME THROUGH PRIVATE SCHOOL AND COLLEGE, AND I'VE USED ALL OF THIS TO SAVE THE WORLD BY BEING A D.J. FOR A COUPLE YEARS. DOESN'T INTERVIEWING CELEBRITIES MAKE ME A CELEBRITY EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO TALENT? CERTAINLY HAVING A BLOG SITE MAKES ME A GREAT WRITER! RIGHT? AND I'M SO ORIGINAL THAT I COPY DENNIS MILLER AND HIS USE OF ABSTRACT REFERENCES TO SOMEHOW HOPEFULLY MAKE MORONS THINK I'M DEEP AND INTELLIGENT. WELL, AT LEAST I'M ORIGINAL IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF DENNIS MILLER. ANYWAY, JUST MY MENTIONING "FOUL PLAY" WHICH IS A MOVIE THAT REALLY MAKES IT "SEEM LIKE OLD TIMES", WILL PROBABLY HAVE FANS SCURRYING TO LOCAL VIDEO STORES SO THEY CAN RENT FOUL PLAY AND BE AS COOL AS ME, WHICH IN TURN SHOULD PROMPT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH TO REPLACE THE CRUCIFIX WITH PICTURES OF ME WITH MY MULLET BECAUSE OF HOW IMPORTANT I AM TO THE WORLD. I PRETTY MUCH AM BARRY M. EXCEPT I DON'T PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS AND CAN'T SING, WHICH BASICALLY MAKES ME A COMPLETELY TALENTLESS BARRY. NOW THAT IS IMPORTANT. AND I'M SO FUNNY TOO. ZIMMERMAN LETTER! GET IT??? HA HA HA. I CRACK MYSELF UP BIG TIME. WHAT COLOR BY THE WAY ALL YOU COX FANS OUT THERE, SHOULD I FROST MY MULLET THIS MONTH? LET'S HAVE A VOTE. I'M THINKIN MORE DARK SO I CAN POSE WITH GANG SCISSORS. OR MAYBE A DREAD-LOCK MULLET! ANYWAY, DID I MENTION THE ZIMMERMAN LETTER???????? WELL, GOTTA GO, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A PRETEND INTERVIEW WITH "FALLOUT BOY". GOTTA KEEP MY IMPORTANT SKILLS SHARP. SOMEBODY'S GOTTA SAVE THE WORLD. SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M GONNA HAVE TO WRITE AN ARCTICLE ABOUT MY AFFECT ON THE PLANET EARTH. OR WAIT NO, THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!! ZIMMERMAN LETTER! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT MY FELLOW G'S!!!!!! SCISSORS OUT TO YA!
ALAN COX
THE MOST IMPORTANT MAN SINCE JESUS, BUT COOLER AND MORE HIP

Bob T said...

Alan, don't let this anonymous moron ruin your blog.

Bob T said...

I'll stop feeding the trolls now.

Anonymous said...

The troll isn't ruining it. He is just showing his jealousy.

That's not a mullet, anyway.

Also, to you, troll:

"SPEAKING OF WHICH, I'M GONNA HAVE TO WRITE AN ARCTICLE ABOUT MY AFFECT ON THE PLANET EARTH."

The word you want here is EFFECT, plus you spelled "article" incorrectly. You're probably just in a hurry and it's an honest mistake. I picture you constantly refreshing Alan's blog, breathlessly awaiting his next post. Then he posts, and you get all excited, like a little kid waiting for the short bus, jumping up and down - but not too high up. Then you rant. Please, put the Internet down and go outside.

Jen in PGH

Alan Cox said...

I think JB is a hoot. A comment LONGER than the actual post? Beautiful. (For the record, I've been a drummer for 25 years.)

Anonymous said...

JB, huh? My initials, too.

Jen in PGH

Anonymous said...

I'm not a jealous bitch(JB). I just thought blog sites were for freedom of expression. Obviously this site does not encourage that sort of thing. It's a damn shame that Alan and all of his cronies feel compelled to gang up on the "jealous bitch". Your last blog was swell. Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

AFFECT/EFFECT. ARCTICLE/ARTICLE. RUN ON SENTENCES. ALL LETTER OF THE LAW JIBBERISH. I JUST GOT BACK FROM A TRIP OUT OF STATE TO THE MUCH MORE SUFFISTICATED (OR IS IT SUFFFFISTKATED?) PLANET AND I COME BACK TO CHICAGO TO READ THAT I NEED TO GET OUTSIDE MORE . I JUST SPENT 3 DAYS HIKING . HOW'S THAT? AND CHICAGO IS SUPPOSED TO BE CIVILIZATION. MAYBE TO YOU GENIUS'S FROM LANDFORD IL. OR WHERE EVER YOU PEOPLE GREW UP WITH ROSANNE BARR.
AND YOU THOUGHT I SIT AROUND AWAITING THE NEXT COX BLOGS. PLEASE TEACH ME LANDFORD CODE WORDS SO I CAN KEEP UP.(OR WHATEVER IL. TOWN YOU CAME UP WITH YOUR SECRET LANGUAGE IN). 1. WHAT IS THIS TROLL THING? DOES IT STAND FOR SOMETHING. AND (NOT TO START OFF A SENTENCE WITH AND)AND 2. WHAT IS HOLLYWOOD FATIO? 3. WHAT IS J.B.? JIM BEAM? JAMES BROWN? JOHN W. BOOTHE? AND DON'T TELL ME( YOU LAND OF LINCOLNERS), ALAN COX IS LINCOLN AND I'M J.B. STANDING FOR JOHN W. BOOTH-OR IS IT BOOTHE(JEN WILL TELL ME). I GET IT , I'M AN ASSASIN AND ALAN A HERO! A TROLL ASSASIN (OR IS IT aSaSSINER).
AT LEAST I CAN COME BACK TO CHICAGO NOW AND NOT HAVE TO SEE ALAN'S FACE ANYMORE, AND PRETEND TO LIKE HIM AND BE POLITE AND ACT AS THOUGH I THINK HE IS SO FUNNY AND TALENTED. THANK GOD FOR THAT. AND THAT WINTER IS OVER HERE. NO WONDER YOU PEOPLE THAT GREW UP AROUND HERE HAVE FROZEN BRAINS! DID I MENTION THE ZIMMERMAN LETTER? ANYWAY, YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING DRUMS FOR 25 YEARS? WOW, YOUR ARMS MUST BE TIRED. I BET YOU WERE IN LANDFORD HIGHSCHOOL'S BEST TWISTED SISTER COVER BAND TOO. I PLAY PIANO, GUITAR, AND TRUMPET. BUT THAT'S NOTHING I'M SURE COMPARED TO BEATING DRUMS WITH STICKS. I'M SURE YOUR PARENTS ARE SO PROUD OF YOU. MY GUESS IS YOUR DAD IS 90 AND LOOKS LIKE THE SIMPSON'S MR. BURNS. I'M ASSUMING YOUR MOM IS 40, AND VERY ROSANNE BARR-AND THEY WOULD COME CHEER YOU ON WHEN YOUR BAND HAD A GIG IN HIGH SCHOOL. AS FAR AS JEN'S ENGLISH LESSONS , I'M SURE IN 20 YEARS WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU WASTED YOUR TIME WITH MULLET-BOY AND THAT THE WORLD IS A BIG PLACE, YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND SAY TO YOURSELF, I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH TROLL, OR JOHN BOOTHE, OR JAMES BROWN , OR WHATEVER YOU LANDFORDIANS CALL ME THEN. ANYWAY JEN, KEEP ROLLIN YOUR BEAN AND VISUALIZING ME. AND YOU DO WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY B.T. OR WHOEVER. KEEP FROSTING YOUR MULLET ALAN. I DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT EVERYDAY ANYMORE, OR HEAR YOUR LAME JOKES. CHICAGO IS MINE NOW AND HOPEFULLY YOU ARE BACK IN LANDFORD WHERE YOU CAN ENTERTAIN YOUR PARENTS.
SINCERELY,
JOHN WILKES TROLL THE OUTDOOR'SMAN FROM THE REAL WORLD

Anonymous said...

"ANYWAY, YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING DRUMS FOR 25 YEARS? WOW, YOUR ARMS MUST BE TIRED."

OK, that was funny. :-)

Jen in PGH, also a hiker!

Anonymous said...

I GUESS NOW THAT I'VE GOTTEN THINGS OFF MY CHEST I DO ADMIT MY ANGER TOWARD MULLET BOY WAS REALLY NOT TOWARD HIM ALONE BUT JUST MEN IN BROADCASTING. US FEMALES GET STEPPED OVER BY THE TALENTLESS AND NOT SO FUNNY HOT SHOT MALES ALL THE TIME AND I'M SO SICK OF IT. CALL ME A TROLL OR A JB ALL YOU WANT BUT JUST BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A CERTAIN APPENDAGE DOESN'T MEAN MULLET BOY IS SUPERIOR. FROM WHAT HIS THROW AWAYS TELL ME IT'S NOT SO SPECTACULAR ANYWAY AND INSTEAD NARROW AND CURVED . E.T.'S FINGER IF YOU WILL. THAT'S WHY I STICK TO AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN. NOT TO GET TOO OFF SUBJECT, I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I'M SORRY FOR THE PREVIOUS HOSTILITY AND MULLET BOY CAN'T HELP HE'S A MALE AND I'VE GOTTEN IT ALL OFF MY CHEST I GUESS. SO, YEAH, WE SHOULD DEFINATELY LOOK UP TOO OUR ELDERS. YATTA YATTA. DID I FORGET TO SAY ZIMMERMAN LETTER? O.K. JEN, CORRECT MY GRAMMER NOW. HAVE FUN IN THIS MAN'S WORLD. LOVE, THE FEMALE OUTDOOR'SMAN TROLL

Jim said...

whoa dude, the biggest cock on this blog.... keep it up... pricless