FCC Monkey Do - 7/24/08 (reprint)

The FCC got bitch-slapped this week by an appeals court who threw out the $500,000 fine against CBS for the half-second we saw Janet Jackson's boobie in the 2004 Super Bowl, the event that launched a thousand broadcast indecency complaints. The court said that the FCC is just making up rules as they go along, while the government said they were sad for America's families. I am too, but for a different reason. See, the FCC is all about the free market when it comes to a couple of media companies buying the other 200, but they forget all about the free market when it comes to you and I- tax-paying adults making personal decisions as to how we choose to be entertained. The FCC said that America was offended by Janet Jackson's mocha jug playing peek-a-boo; I was offended that they cut away so fast. Everybody uses "what about the children?" as a reason for censoring things they don't like, oblivious to the fact that kids don't vote- adults do. It's ironic that a group so committed to stripping the airwaves of anything sexual gets such a huge boner from using radio and TV stations like ATMs.

In the years since Miss Jackson's mammary mishap, the FCC reached the illogical conclusion that the greatest threat to our national security was disc jockeys playing fart noises, and proceeded to treat the first amendment like a hacky-sack at a Jack Johnson show. Meanwhile, Oprah's doing segments on how to spice up your love life by having sex in "the bad place" (and I don't mean Cleveland). But she's a billionaire and you're not. See, we all know this isn't about morality- it's about money. Rush Limbaugh just signed a $300 million deal and his comments on race make Don Imus look like Nelson Mandela. Working for the FCC has to blow, so you can see why they're trying to put their fist in everyone's fun pie.

Speaking of which, Janet Jackson has a new CD out. With a First Amendment victory under our belts, maybe we could all pitch in and convince her to whip the other one out this year.