Pig Virus

Swine flu? Really? Can we get a grip? The symptoms are the same as regular flu. Schwarzenegger declared a state of emergency in California after two people possibly died from swine flu. (Or maybe they just did a lot of their breathing in L.A.) The CDC is overrun with calls from people who think their dry cough portends something ominously porcine in nature. I understand Americans are a mealy bunch who frighten easily, but diarrhea and vomiting are hardly signs that The Stand is coming true. (In fact, at casa Cox, we call that double-whammy "a well-played Saturday night"). It smacks of the hysteria surrounding SARS in 2002. Despite constant reports that made us think bird flu was going to decimate the human race, if you weren't a Xiangzhou farmer having day-old roof pigeon for dinner, you were probably pretty safe. There's no big mystery to these things and all relationships are based on proximity. I live in a Latino neighborhood, but having heard no anguished oinks from next door, I think I'll play the odds on this one.

As with any media-generated panic, it's no fun until the conspiracy theory dolts put Loose Change on pause and weigh in. So, let me get the Armageddon ball rolling- who are the groups of people least likely to fall prey to tainted pork products? Jews and Muslims. Let the holy war commence! I'm gonna have a BLT.