Shrinkage

Hi, Steve Jobs? We need to talk.

I'm an Apple guy all the way. And, like every other carbon-based life form, I love my iPod. But the Willie Wonka shit you're pulling out there in Cupertino is getting out of hand. The new iPod Shuffle? Dude, we get it- you keep making them smaller! Consider me wowed. So, what's next- a cochlear implant called the iPod Quark? Is technology really moving so quickly that original iPods are already becoming the mp3 equivalent of vinyl? We know your world is different- whereas most guys want everything to be bigger, the inverse is true for you tech geeks. So we also know that this iPod isn't a quantum leap sprung from the Apple braintrust; it's just the last one you put out, only tinier. They sit in a warehouse and then, every six months, you drop a "new" one on a gadget-hungry public. It's pretty ingenious, but enough is enough.

You're already the alpha dog, Steve. You're a billionaire who's actually popular and your former partner was last seen lumbering around on TV like a manatee stuffed into a mariachi costume. I'm no Luddite and I love my music, but King Diamond isn't any cooler when I listen to it on something the size of a Fruity Pebble. Take a load off; we're already impressed.

Get well soon,
AC